I'm really mad!

Very few things in this world enrage me - child abuse, animal abuse, elderly abuse, etc, and someone thinking they can read my mind. I hate it when someone presumes to know what I feel, what I think, or what I really want. Unless you live in my brain, or you've developed some super technology allowing you to read minds, you have NO idea what really goes on in my mind. I'm not saying I'm super complex in my thinking process. Actually, it's very much the opposite. I try to keep things as simple as possible. If I think something, I usually say it. It's just part of the foot-in-mouth disease that I happen to suffer from. My mouth talks without my brain being engaged at all times. Also, I pretty much get what I want, or I'll at least own it if called out on it. I never understand why men ALWAYS assume that men and women cannot be friends without always having sex on the brain. I have many male friends I have no interest in ever having sex with - just good conversation, laughs, confidante, etc. They are essential just like a female friend with different plumbing. Men just infuriate me assuming that because you call them, you naturally want their bodies. Or because you wanted them one time, you will want them for all times. Minds change, people change, desires change. Is this only in women? Do men not feel the same way? UGH! Stop the MADNESS! Stop reading my mind. Listen to my words. I'll tell you everything you ever need to know, if you will only listen to me.

Blue Christmas

This is my theme song for every Christmas. It's one of my very favourite Christmas songs simply because Elvis' voice makes me melt. I recently listened very carefully to the song and had a very serious discussion about the song with a friend of mine that tells me "how very depressing" this is one of my favourite Christmas songs. Then he asked me "who" I was missing this Christmas. This has caused me to take out some old feelings and examine them. Who was I missing? As I examined this, it was not a who, it was a what. I was missing Christmases of old. I miss the way our Christmases used to be with my family. It was highly anticipated. Not cause of the presents, but because it was one of two days out of the 365 days that our whole family was gathered together. We were so happy to see each other. As kids, we knew no reason to dread a family get together.

Now, no one likes anyone. There is a dinner time, but everyone comes and goes as they please. The time is never consistant. They change from one day to the next to accomdate 2 or 3 different people while not taking the whole group into consideration. I'm sadden by this. It saddens me this highly anticipated day is now an inconvenience to my family, not a joyous occasion. I realize that part of getting older is growing up and accepting the changes that come about. No one loves everyone all the time, but why can't for one day, everyone put all this animosity aside and just be happy to be able to be together? Are we really that immature as a group? I've realized once my grandmother dies, that's it. We won't even get together with the amonsity. She's the only bit of glue that holds it all together.

I feel a bit guilty since I skipped dinner this year. I was angry that I arrange my schedule around one time, then at the last minute, it is changed on me. I feel like a hypocritic since I'm whining about "no together-ness," yet I was part of the missing this year. Things are passed now and I'm able to get back to some kind of a semblance of normal.

So, here's to a Blue Christmas season. I'm so thankful to make it through another.

Change is coming...

Well, 2009 is upon us. No better time than now to start talking about change. The year 2008 has seen many changes in me. I've moved from an angry, sad, depressed divorcee into someone I think I was always destined to become. Maybe I've taken the long way around, or perhaps, the extra time was to prepare me to accept this person I am becoming. I've become more accepting of people and things around me. I've accepted that change is the only thing that is inevitable, of course, excluding taxes and death. Change is always not always a bad thing either like I used to believe. Sometimes, a huge change is just what you you need. My divorce has been the stimulation that I need to get my life back on a better track. I don't want to say the right track, because of course, who am I to decide what the right track is. (I heard that's when God laughs the loudest - when he hears YOUR plans.) But I have gone back to school. I've found a career path I think will bring me the level of satisfaction I've been seeking. I've made a few, new bunch of friends. A couple of them I'm merely certain aren't made of just sunshine and shugar. So, overall, I'm fairly happy with who I am and where I am in my life. Last year, I couldn't say that. The year before, I couldn't say that. The year before that, I couldn't say that. And the year before the year before... Well, you get the point. This is first time I've been about to say, "I'm happy with me." Sure I still have a few kinks that I need to work out to make myself into the person I want to be, but doesn't everyone? With no project, one grows quite bored. Who knows? I JUST might try this drawing thing. What's the worse that could happen to me? I could discover that I STILL can't draw? I mean really... I'm looking very forward to 2009. I believe this is a year that will see monumental changes in not just me, but people around me. Well, that is, if I have anything to say about it.