Blue Christmas

This is my theme song for every Christmas. It's one of my very favourite Christmas songs simply because Elvis' voice makes me melt. I recently listened very carefully to the song and had a very serious discussion about the song with a friend of mine that tells me "how very depressing" this is one of my favourite Christmas songs. Then he asked me "who" I was missing this Christmas. This has caused me to take out some old feelings and examine them. Who was I missing? As I examined this, it was not a who, it was a what. I was missing Christmases of old. I miss the way our Christmases used to be with my family. It was highly anticipated. Not cause of the presents, but because it was one of two days out of the 365 days that our whole family was gathered together. We were so happy to see each other. As kids, we knew no reason to dread a family get together.

Now, no one likes anyone. There is a dinner time, but everyone comes and goes as they please. The time is never consistant. They change from one day to the next to accomdate 2 or 3 different people while not taking the whole group into consideration. I'm sadden by this. It saddens me this highly anticipated day is now an inconvenience to my family, not a joyous occasion. I realize that part of getting older is growing up and accepting the changes that come about. No one loves everyone all the time, but why can't for one day, everyone put all this animosity aside and just be happy to be able to be together? Are we really that immature as a group? I've realized once my grandmother dies, that's it. We won't even get together with the amonsity. She's the only bit of glue that holds it all together.

I feel a bit guilty since I skipped dinner this year. I was angry that I arrange my schedule around one time, then at the last minute, it is changed on me. I feel like a hypocritic since I'm whining about "no together-ness," yet I was part of the missing this year. Things are passed now and I'm able to get back to some kind of a semblance of normal.

So, here's to a Blue Christmas season. I'm so thankful to make it through another.