Disappointment

As Memphis Raines once said, "Without disappointment, you cannot appreciate victory." Obviously, as a man, he was not referring to matters of the heart, but truer words were never spoken. Tonight, I suffered the one of the biggest disappointments since my divorce. I don't know, but this broken plan hurt my heart so badly. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't cried in quite some time. I cannot, in fact, recall the last tears I cried. I'm sure it was February or March, so that's about a year. Maybe it's bottled up frustration. I felt for sure my heart would break. It was a weird feeling, cause I knew tomorrow, the sun would shine, my lips would smile, it would be a better day. But this moment in time, it was not ok. My heart hurt, my pride hurt, and I needed some comfort. This kinda disappointment nearly discourages me from dating. I felt so forgotten. I think that's what really hurt me. I felt so invisible, very unwanted. I just hate this adrift feeling that I have. I admit, I love being single. I love being about to flirt and flint about with different men. At the end of the day though, I long for that feeling you only get when truly comfortable with someone.
As a result of this disappointment, I phoned the only person I could think to sooth and comfort my shatteredness. He did just that. It was like his voice rocked me as a baby in a mama's arms. He gave me what just what I needed at the moment I needed most. I did something I haven't done since I met my ex-husband - beared my soul. He's heard my voice quiver with saddness and all but seen the tears on my cheeks. For the better part of nearly two hours, he listened, sympathized, and offered suggestions. This warmed me. I so rarely open these gates to anyone that once opened it just poured out of me. I could do nothing to hold it back. I guess this is all part of learning to fly. Maybe this is way I never unfolded my wings before.
It's been said I'm not the open book that I think am. Maybe this is true. This new one in my life has just glimpsed the hidden chapters. Whether he wishes they had remained hidden or not is up to him. I'd just like the opportunity to say thank you for the support, New Root. Whether you know this or not, you're a very special man. Thank you for being there.