Dearest Daddy

Dearest Daddy,
Hi, hello, how are you? It's your little girl on the line. You've been on my mind alot lately. I've often wondered what life would like if you were here with me. I often wonder if I would have made you proud or dragged you through the same disappointment I have with Mom. I wonder if I still would have made the poor decisions regarding men as I have, or if you would have sat there with the shotgun and drilled him, then advised "He's just not good enough for you, dear." Would I have still made the same decision regarding a lifemate? Perhaps, if I had, would he still have disliked my family so? These are some of the things I wonder.
I often wonder if any of the decisions I have made would have made you proud. I know I haven't selected the path you marked out for me as a wee babe. I tried to walk that walk for you, yet I feel inadequate. I wonder if mom would have been as strict on me if you were here. Would I have been a daddy's girl? I think as much as I favour you, I would have been. I would if I would have rebelled as much, or would you have sat me down with that stern daddy tone and tell me "This is the way it is. Now behave." Chances are, as stubborn as I am, I still would have rebelled. I still would have broken your heart, just as I did Mom's. Maybe this path was meant to be put before me no matter what changes were made in my past. Perhaps this is the only way I will truly grow out of my shell and become a stronger woman.
These thoughts look very selfish, yet I neglect to mention my other thoughts. I often wonder of my mother's happiness and contentedness. Would she be more or less happy? Maybe that eternal sadness wouldn't ride her eyes when she looked at me. I wish sometimes I favoured her more so when she looked at me, she wouldn't see your eyes. Nor would she see your smile when I hear something amusing. Just he other day, she moved me to tears. She was listening to 7 Spanish Angels on a 33 1/3 record. She quietly told me, "Barry loved this song." Her voice quality made me so sad. I wonder what it's like to lose someone and have so much sadness inside me like that. Even after all these years, the sadness remains.
I've decided to do something health related. I know it's not law (God knows we need a good lawyer in the family), but I have no passion for justice like I used to. I've seen the Justice system fail many: victims and innocent people. I can't be a part of that. Perhaps I can help to heal the sick and change the world this way. Hopefully, this is something you can be proud of. Hopefully, one day I will see you and you will greet me with, "Well done daughter. I'm proud of who you became."

Love Always,
Daughter Dearest